Parenting 101

Lately I’ve been thinking about all these random controversial issues, because I’ve decided that it’s SO key to know where you stand on some things, and even more important, to have researched it or at least looked at both sides of the argument so you can come up with an educated opinion. But that’s not what I was going to talk about today. I want your thoughts on parenting. “Parenting?!” you say? Yes, that’s right. I know some of us are quite there yet, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about, especially with what’s happening in the world today. I think about how this world will be when my child is in it, and I think it’s definitely something to be thinking about.

Specifically, I wanted to talk about decisions. Your child’s decisions. Looking at my own life, I think I’ve always been a fairly good kid, but once I hit high school, I think I got kind of manipulative. It was no longer that I had to have a good reason to do what I wanted, but that my parents had to have a good reason why I SHOULDN’T do what I wanted (not that what I wanted to do was extremely damaging or rebellious). They pretty much never had any good reasons, in my opinion, at the time. I’ve come to realize that this is the way I’d become, so I’m really working at showing them respect by not questioning their decisions, because I totally believe that our parents, whether we choose to believe it or not, are wise. Basically, I’ve come to the realization that the decisions I make really need to be made with respect to my parent’s rules and standards, as long as they’re reasonable.

For example, I REALLY wanted to go on another missions trip to the Orient last summer; however, it couldn't happen. I know I’m 22, and I can make my own decisions and sign my own waiver forms, but my dad laid down the law this year. In fact, it seems I won’t be going on any missions trips during university, as my dad is in full opposition to Christianity and missions. Now, I think this is fairly unreasonable, seeing as I am 22 and the reason he doesn’t want me to go has nothing to do with my personal safety or well-being but has more to do with contradicting ideologies and beliefs, but I do currently reside under the roof he paid for, and I know that I have been quite manipulative in the past with getting what I wanted, so I made the, hopefully, mature decision to not only obey my parents, but keep my mouth shut about any arguments that I think could persuade them to let me go.

Now, applying all this to when we’re parents, I keep wondering what I’m going to do when it comes time to start granting permission for certain things. Now, I think we all have to admit that being the domineering, super-controlling, “no-room-for-your-own-decisions” sort of parent is really not loving. I mean, if I’m going to show my child I love them, I do have to let them be free to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. Control in every aspect of their lives does not equal love. However, I think we all have to agree again that we do have to have some ground rules, as a good parent. But my big question is, “Is it the parents’ fault if the children make mistakes?” I don’t think it is. Albeit, as parents, we will set the bar in terms of appropriate behaviour, setting down ground rules etc., but in today’s world, as my Personality psych prof was saying, there are so many other factors that are a part of who one becomes. And it eventually does become the child’s decision whether or not they follow these rules. And as they grow physically, they grow in responsibility. We give our children freedom, but that freedom includes the responsibility for taking ownership for their own actions. So I think that although I worry and think, at this point, that all I’d really like to do is protect my child and keep him or her in his/her own little protective bubble by making all the “right” decisions for them, that’s really not the thing to do. I have to let them be free to learn. However, giving them freedom doesn’t mean I’m going to have to take responsibility for their actions. I don’t think you can blame the parents of any child totally for the child’s actions, except perhaps in cases of abuse and emotional trauma.

Anyway, I guess my point is though, that through it all, the absolute truth is that I love my child, or will, I guess, and I would totally be willing to take them back. I may not like their actions, but I think I’d totally love my child through all their decision-making, good and bad. And as much as my child may push me away and not include me in their lives and totally reject and ignore me, I will love them to the end. And I know my parents do love me. In fact, I think my dad is a good example of someone who shows love through letting children make their own decisions, although there is a lot of stuff to be said in that particular situation. He has trouble showing his kids he loves us, so I think he ends up feeling that he has to let us do whatever we want. He never bothered to really set a lot of ground rules, but the ones he does set are fairly reasonable. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that parents love their children. Because they love their children, they let them make their own decisions and eventually learn from them. But I truly believe that the rules and guidelines that parents set for us are good ones, and I think when the children follow these guidelines, they’re a lot safer and happier in the end. Anyway, and through all the child’s decisions, parents continue to love their children, even if they’re pushed away. And I think at some point, if the child keeps rejecting and ignoring, parents will respect that decision and not intervene. But we’ll always take them back if they come back...

And it's just so with the Father. We can say all we want that there can be no God because of all the terrible things that go on in this world, but I think we need to take a long hard look at some human actions and the role of free will, and most importantly, the characteristics of God, before anything like that can even begin to be justified.