Things not to say to a breastfeeding woman

It figures that the day after I write a post about breastfeeding, that I would get one of the comments that still makes me unsure of my breastfeeding success.  I had just finished feeding Kiyomi, and passed her off to my friend.  He was holding her a while, and noticed that she started to suck on her fingers.  I know Kiyomi, and this is her self-soothing thing.  Anyway, he decided to give me a "you're a bad mother" look, and said that Kiyomi was obviously (really, though?  OBVIOUSLY?) still hungry.

And then.

You know what he said?

"You don't have enough."  And he pointed at my chest.

Seriously?  I'm still pulling the dagger out of my chest, thanks.

If he had said that to me 2 months ago, I'm sure I would have broken down in tears and cried in the corner for half an hour.  Today, I brushed it off, but it really made me think about how insensitive people can be about breastfeeding.

Never ever ever ever assume or vocalize something like this unless you are in a position to do so (you know, if you're a caring sister/mother/grandmother/lactation consultant), who is really looking out for the best interest of the breastfeeding woman.  And, I think, be especially careful about your comments/questions if you're a guy, or have never breastfed. 

Another thing that used to put me on the defensive was when people would ask whether I had enough breastmilk.  I'm not talking about other caring mothers who were trying to encourage me through the ordeal.  I'm talking your normal, everyday, never-breastfed-a-moment-in-their-life bystander.  Uh, it's none of your business, thanks.  And you asking me whether I have enough milk just makes me doubt whether I have enough.

It's funny that I now love breastfeeding (gasp, did I just say that?!), but being asked about my breastmilk production still shakes my confidence a bit.  Sigh.

These types of comments and questions are entirely different when you're asking them out of a place of love, and a desire to help the breastfeeding woman.  But really, I've had enough of these insensitive comments.

They may have meant well, but I want you to know, it didn't help.

My must-haves for breastfeeding

If you're not breastfeeding, never have, or never will, don't bother reading the rest of this post.  If you are currently breastfeeding (don't worry, it DOES get better), or if you plan to (it may be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do), read on! 


I remember wondering, numerous, numerous times, whether I would survive breastfeeding. 

I also remember wondering, many, many times, whether I had enough breastmilk for Kiyomi.

Well, I did survive!  But, I needed a lot of help.  Here are my top five must-haves for breastfeeding success!

1.  A lactation consultant.  Yes, go to the breastfeeding class, the clinic, go again and again until you feel comfortable doing it on your own.  For most people, breastfeeding is ONE THOUSAND PERCENT a learned skill.  Practice (I know, your sore, cracked, bleeding nipples don't want to, but IT WILL GET BETTER!), practice, practice.  Practice through the toe-curling and excruciating pain.  Remember how bad labour was in comparison (even though I know you don't remember it right now).

2. Nipple shields!  These brought back so much dignity to my life.  I couldn't wear a bra, let alone a shirt, without these!  Confession:  For the first month or so of Kiyomi's life, I went topless around the house.  Why?  I couldn't stand ANYTHING getting near my poor, sore nipples.  Then, I discovered these!  Put them on, slip on a bra, welcome back normality!  But don't hug anyone too hard, as they will feel these rock-hard knockers.  Apparently they are now available in a softer, more natural feeling silicone, but mine were hard plastic.  Second confession: I still use these sometimes, instead of breastpads, because they collect any leakage.

Breastshells saved my life.  I mean, my nipples.

3.  A breastpump.  If you can afford it, get the double pump.  If you think you'll be traveling with it, like I did, still, get the double pump, because who are you kidding...are you going to be traveling that soon?  I spent an enormous amount of time pumping in my early days to increase my breastmilk production, and to supplement Kiyomi's feeds with my own breastmilk (instead of formula).  I have a single pump, which takes 10-15 mins. per side.  That means 20-30 mins. total pump time.  That was on TOP of a 2-hour feeding time.  Seriously.  Get the double-pump.  I ended up renting one from the breastfeeding clinic for about a month, and now that I'm back to my single pump, I really miss the double days.

4.  A Milksaver.  You know the saying, "Don't cry over spilt milk"?  Well, you will.  You will cry over the barely 2 mL of breastmilk that you worked 10 mins. to squeeze out, when you spill it on the floor 10 seconds later.  You will cry when you accidentally dump it down the drain thinking it was expired formula.   Breastmilk is liquid gold, people, and this Milksaver helped me save every last bit.  I won't go into too much detail, but if you want to see what it does, go to their website.

5.  Faith and lots and lots and lots of prayer.  Unless you're weighing your baby before and after a feed, there's really no way to know how much milk the baby is drinking.  I was terrified that I didn't have enough milk for Kiyomi.  Breastmilk production is such a sensitive and personal issue (I HATED it when people asked whether I was producing enough)!  I really just had to have faith that God was helping me produce enough (and when I wasn't, that it was okay to supplement with formula).  I had many, many people praying for me, and I prayed SO many times, "Oh please please please let me have enough milk for Kiyomi."  God answers prayer!  Kiyomi definitely had enough wet and dirty diapers to indicate she was getting enough to eat.

I'm sure there are so many other things that make for breastfeeding success, but these were my top five!

Breastfeeding - My love-hate relationship

Breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn!  The first thing I discovered was an uncontrollable urge to punch anyone who said, "If you're doing it correctly, it shouldn't hurt."  Hah.  I get what they're saying, in terms of proper positioning, etc., but this is definitely AFTER your nipples stop being super-sensitive to the strong suction-force of your newborn.  The second thing I discovered was a weird okay-ness with random healthcare professionals touching my boobs.  They really just get in there and poke and squeeze!

We did skin-on-skin pretty much immediately after Kiyomi was born, and the nurse helped me to get her latched.  In the beginning, Kiyomi had a terribly small latch, but the lactation consultant taught me to push her shoulders in as she opened her mouth, while kind of hooking her lower jaw around the lower part of my nipple.  That way, she opened her mouth really wide.  Ha, but this took a lot of practice, and I used to take her on and off my breast a few times until she got it right.

Kiyomi had good sucking muscles (I had seen her previously practicing during an ultrasound) and went for it.  I knew there was colostrum coming out, but she wasn't getting enough at the beginning, and she ended up becoming quite jaundiced and losing almost a pound in weight over the first few days.  We had to take her in a few times to get her bilirubin levels tested and started supplementing with formula.  The thing with jaundice is that it makes your newborn quite lethargic, so Kiyomi was constantly falling asleep while feeding.  It was taking me 2 hours at the beginning to get through a feeding, which is crazy, considering you're supposed to start the next feeding 2 hours after the previous one!  I ended up constantly having her attached to my boob, my nipples were cracking and bleeding, and I was in a general state of exhaustion.  I didn't think it was going to get better and needed multiple support people to keep reassuring me that it would, indeed, get better.

I was at the breastfeeding clinic at least once a week until Kiyomi was three weeks old, and one of the first things they did was to get me to use feeding tubes to give Kiyomi her formula.  Basically, you have a thin tube that you tape to your boob so that the end of it is right beside your nipple.  The formula is pushed through the feeding tube, so that as the baby feeds and sucks on the nipple, she gets your milk, as well as the formula.  This is really good in increasing breastmilk quantity, but is so hard on the parents who have to clean and set everything up.  Kevin rubbed my back during this period, and I asked him why his hands were so rough.  He looked at me sadly, and said that it was because of all the dishes and washing he was doing.  Those feeding tubes!  Aie!

I also did the 24-hour cure, eventually, which increased my breastmilk supply some more, and by week three, we had "graduated" from the clinic and didn't have to go back!  I definitely would have given up breastfeeding had it not been for the support I got at the breastfeeding clinic.  There were many times I cried. 

Nowadays, I almost hesitate to say this...but I love the time I have with Kiyomi breastfeeding!  She feeds quickly, and my nipples are immune to her occasional tugging and pulling.  I know this process will repeat itself when we decide to have our second child, so I'm glad I have these victories to look back on!