Monday, December 24, 2012

Breastfeeding - My love-hate relationship

Breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn!  The first thing I discovered was an uncontrollable urge to punch anyone who said, "If you're doing it correctly, it shouldn't hurt."  Hah.  I get what they're saying, in terms of proper positioning, etc., but this is definitely AFTER your nipples stop being super-sensitive to the strong suction-force of your newborn.  The second thing I discovered was a weird okay-ness with random healthcare professionals touching my boobs.  They really just get in there and poke and squeeze!

We did skin-on-skin pretty much immediately after Kiyomi was born, and the nurse helped me to get her latched.  In the beginning, Kiyomi had a terribly small latch, but the lactation consultant taught me to push her shoulders in as she opened her mouth, while kind of hooking her lower jaw around the lower part of my nipple.  That way, she opened her mouth really wide.  Ha, but this took a lot of practice, and I used to take her on and off my breast a few times until she got it right.

Kiyomi had good sucking muscles (I had seen her previously practicing during an ultrasound) and went for it.  I knew there was colostrum coming out, but she wasn't getting enough at the beginning, and she ended up becoming quite jaundiced and losing almost a pound in weight over the first few days.  We had to take her in a few times to get her bilirubin levels tested and started supplementing with formula.  The thing with jaundice is that it makes your newborn quite lethargic, so Kiyomi was constantly falling asleep while feeding.  It was taking me 2 hours at the beginning to get through a feeding, which is crazy, considering you're supposed to start the next feeding 2 hours after the previous one!  I ended up constantly having her attached to my boob, my nipples were cracking and bleeding, and I was in a general state of exhaustion.  I didn't think it was going to get better and needed multiple support people to keep reassuring me that it would, indeed, get better.

I was at the breastfeeding clinic at least once a week until Kiyomi was three weeks old, and one of the first things they did was to get me to use feeding tubes to give Kiyomi her formula.  Basically, you have a thin tube that you tape to your boob so that the end of it is right beside your nipple.  The formula is pushed through the feeding tube, so that as the baby feeds and sucks on the nipple, she gets your milk, as well as the formula.  This is really good in increasing breastmilk quantity, but is so hard on the parents who have to clean and set everything up.  Kevin rubbed my back during this period, and I asked him why his hands were so rough.  He looked at me sadly, and said that it was because of all the dishes and washing he was doing.  Those feeding tubes!  Aie!

I also did the 24-hour cure, eventually, which increased my breastmilk supply some more, and by week three, we had "graduated" from the clinic and didn't have to go back!  I definitely would have given up breastfeeding had it not been for the support I got at the breastfeeding clinic.  There were many times I cried. 

Nowadays, I almost hesitate to say this...but I love the time I have with Kiyomi breastfeeding!  She feeds quickly, and my nipples are immune to her occasional tugging and pulling.  I know this process will repeat itself when we decide to have our second child, so I'm glad I have these victories to look back on!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

And the little one said, "Roll over, roll over"

Kiyomi has always hated tummy time.  Since her 1-month appointment when the doctor prescribed 30 minutes of tummy time everyday, she has wailed through the sessions.  I think the longest tummy time session was probably around 7 minutes.  When she got really upset, she would just lie there, head on the mat, crying in defiance.  So much for tummy time developing strong neck muscles.

Kiyomi's aunt finally (and brilliantly, I might add), figured that we should do tummy time while carrying Kiyomi around.  We tricked her into exercising her arm and neck muscles, mwahaha!  She didn't realize what was happening, and she would contentedly exercise while getting another house tour.  See how content she is?

Flying around for tummy time.  Look at how tired Daddy is!
And then.  A few days ago.  My dad didn't know how much Kiyomi hated tummy time and decided to plop her down on her tummy.  And she did not complain.  GASP!

And THEN.  Yesterday.  I put her down for tummy time.  She promptly stretched out her left arm and rolled herself over onto her back.  The girl who refused to do tummy time went from zero tummy time to rolling over!  Although, if I think about it, it makes sense, since she really enjoys being on her back so much more than her front.

Congratulations, Kiyomi!  You can officially roll over!

Santa...shhh

We're not doing Santa.

Did I hear outrage?  Are you asking what kind of parent doesn't do the Santa thing? 

Hear me out.  We are not going to tell Kiyomi that Santa is real, because we don't want to lie to her.  Ever.  Moreover, if Kevin and I are serious about trying to teach Kiyomi about God, what does it say to her if I tell her that there is a man who always watches what she is doing, judges her actions, and then rewards or punishes her for them, and then tell her it's all made up?  Doesn't set us up for success with the God thing, I think.

What we will do:
- tell her about the original St. Nicholas, who gave generously to the poor
- drill into her, the fact that she.absolutely.cannot.spoil.Santa.for.anyone.
- celebrate the real reason for Christmas, which is the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ

We will celebrate Jesus' birthday like it's 1995.  It was a good year for me.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Eat my fist: a sleep update

It's been about a week since we started training Kiyomi to self-soothe, and I have to say, it has gone much smoother than I expected.  The longest she cried, on and off, was about an hour.  Nowadays, she *usually* falls asleep after about 10 minutes of crying/self-soothing.  Her fist is her favourite self-soothing tool, and she often crams her hands into her mouth.  Sometimes, she extends her fingers and ends up choking herself!



I am SO proud of my little girl for learning how to self-soothe!  We've been putting her down for naps in her car seat, so that she would learn to nap anywhere, and the other day, she even put herself to sleep at church!

As for me...my husband commented that I seem much happier, and I have to say, Kiyomi's self-soothing ability has revolutionized my quality of life!  I suddenly have so much more free time (alas, I guess I must finally get around to the laundry!), and because I know she'll take a nap every eat, activity, sleep cycle, I can also plan to rest.  Ha, although most of the time that she's napping, I'm staring at the monitor, watching her sleep!

Praise God for self-soothing babies!

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Sympathy burps

Everytime I go to burp Kiyomi...I also burp.

I swear I never used to burp this much before. 

Friday, December 07, 2012

Sleep training

Let me start with a disclaimer.  Every baby is different, and every family is different.  What works for some doesn't work for others.  There is so much literature out there regarding sleep training, whether you should/should not do it, and how it should be done.  I'm only documenting this so that I remember what we did with Kiyomi, so that we can learn from it and hopefully improve on it for our second child.   I will say, for any technique we try, I'm sure we'll be praying a LOT. 

As I write this, Kiyomi is on her 3rd nap of the day, and I'm intently watching her sleep on the baby monitor.  I decided that I would start teaching Kiyomi to self-soothe on my birthday (yesterday), and that we should establish more of a routine so that we could continue to read her crying cues correctly.



Some signs that Kiyomi was able to self-soothe:
- she can now pick up and hold objects (instead of randomly & accidentally grabbing objects)
- she has been sucking on her fist, and now fingers, for the past few weeks, and it seemed to quiet her when she was crying
- she started sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches overnight (and even some random 6-hr ones!), where I would hear her fuss and wake up, but she would go back to sleep if I left her

Now, I'm sure she had self-soothing skills before this as well, but we're comfortable with having spent the first three months of her life responding quickly to her cries, and walking her around to get her to sleep (although this was wearing on us, which was one of the reasons I decided we should sleep-train her).

I'll start with how we were getting her to sleep before.  For her bedtime (read: not naptime), I'm still basically nursing her to sleep, although as she gets better with the self-soothing for naptime, we'll change up the schedule.  Basically, it's a bath, fresh diaper, both breasts, a bottle, swaddle, and then back on one breast again.  We give her the extra bottle at this bedtime feeding to help her stay asleep longer.  Some call this the "dream feed".  We tried putting her to bed without swaddling her, but it was too early, and she would wake herself up when she flailed her arms uncontrollably.  Or, she would catch sight of her hand, and then her eyes would pop open so she could stare at it.

During the day, we were on a cycle where I was feeding, changing her diaper and playing with her, and then carrying her around when she got fussy.  While being carried, she liked to look around at everything, and we could tell she was getting tired once she started to yawn.  Now, here's the difference.  Before, when she started to yawn, we'd just keep carrying her around.  Yesterday, I started putting her down into her car seat (we decided to train her to nap in her car seat, as it's portable and she'll be able to nap anywhere) once she started yawning, and then shushed, patted, and slightly rocked the car seat as she cried.

The first time I tried this, she cried/whined for about half an hour.  I thought we were off to a great start, because the next time, it took her only 20 minutes!  Ha, and then she showed me.  She cried off and on for almost an hour in the afternoon.  Sigh.

Today has been better, and I think there's a nap schedule that's starting to emerge.  She sleeps for a larger chunk in the morning, and then in the late afternoon.  In between, she catnaps for half an hour or so.  She still cries and whines a bit, but this last time, she only whined for 10 minutes!  Basically, as she cries/whines, I sit beside her and shush her or pat her chest.  Once she quiets down, I stop the shushing and patting.  Truth be told, when she's crying, I try to distract myself by playing Bejeweled.  Otherwise, I find myself looking at her, and she'll stare at me while she cries, which just breaks my heart.  My mantra is, "Avoid eye contact."

This whole concept of self-soothing was totally foreign to me until we had Kiyomi.  I had no idea babies needed help getting to sleep, and that most couldn't do it naturally on their own.  At the beginning, I was so puzzled as to why she couldn't just, "let go", and fall asleep, but as I've been up in the middle of the night with her, it becomes more clear to me, because I have trouble getting back to sleep!

Sometimes I wish someone would rock me to sleep.

I'll have to write another update again when we figure out what works consistently, as it's all an experiment right now.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

3 months old!

Dear Kiyomi,

You just turned 3 months old, and you have grown so much!  I spend all day with you, but I will still look at photos of you over and over.



Three month stats:
Length: 63 cm
Weight: 13.6 lbs.

You've grown so big, and we're on the last button on your size 1 Applecheeks around your cute, chubby thighs!  We'll have to put you in size 2s soon.  We started putting you in 3-6 month clothing at 2.5 months, because you were so long!  You've developed great head control, and love when your mom and dad walk around to give you tours.  You look around eagerly, and get upset if we stop in front of a blank, boring wall for too long!  You also get upset when we try to do tummy-time with you, so we trick you into doing it by carrying you around on your tummy.

You started smiling a few weeks ago, and now laugh when your dad tickles your lips, or we put our faces close to yours.  You can also hold onto things with intention, and have wasted no time picking up your toys, clinging to your parents clothes, and pinching us!  You especially like to hold onto your pink bear-blanket when you're napping.

Your favourite books are Moo, Baa, La La La, because you love the animal noises, and you will spend a long time looking at the pictures in your Look, Look! book.  You also try to sing along when your mom sings "You are my Sunshine", and give lots of smiles when we do the actions to "Tick Tock, Tick Tock, I'm a Little Coo-coo Clock".

Overnight, you usually sleep for a five-hour stretch, wake up for a feeding, and then go back to sleep for 2-3 hours.  You spend your early mornings with your dad, where you usually coo and giggle.  You have trouble going to sleep when you're in a new environment, because you want to look at EVERYTHING.  You will tell mama and papa that you want to walk around, if we stay in one place too long.  You are very clear in your communication, and will let us know quite dramatically if you don't like something.  We think you're a spirited baby!

You're patient with the other children at church when they want to touch your hands, or stroke your head.  They think you are SOOO CUTE!  :)

You love when we change your diaper, and kick your legs excitedly once your diaper is off.  We think you would love to lounge around in the nude all the time if you could.

We are so blessed that God knit you together so wonderfully and fearfully, and we've had so much fun getting to know you.  You are such a blessing to us and have taught us lots already.

Kiyomi, we love you!

Love,

Your mama and papa

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Kiyomi's birth story

I've decided to blog about Kiyomi's arrival, because I will inevitably forget what happened (ex. everytime I mentioned something about the birth to my mother, she responded with, "Oh, right, I forgot about that."  Very helpful, mom!), and so that she has something to look back on if she decides she wants to know about her entrance!

Just a warning, I will be describing some things in detail so it might be TMI for some people.  Just stop reading if you don't want to know about the ins and outs of a birth.

Kiyomi was due on September 2nd, 2012, and sure enough, on Friday night (Aug. 31), I was jarred awake in the middle of the night with extremely painful cramps.  Wait, I should edit that.  I *thought* they were painful.  Little did I know what else was in store.  I woke up around 3:30 am and noticed I had bright red spotting, and freaked out (they always say bloody show is supposed to be pink).  I woke Kevin up and made him take me to the hospital.  I told them that I knew I wasn't in labour, but that I wanted to make sure everything was okay with the spotting.  Dr. Taerk (pronounced Dr. Turk...I almost burst out laughing because Kev and I had been watching copious amounts of Scrubs, and I wanted to ask the doctor whether his name was short for Turkelton) examined me, and told me my cervix was just effacing.  Sent me home at 4 am.

All Saturday, I relaxed at home, and didn't really have any cramps, but Saturday night, the cramps were terrible (again, so I thought.  So silly.), and Kevin insisted on timing them with me.  I casually mentioned that they probably had an app to time them, which the did, so Kevin used his phone to time them.  This meant I was waking him up every 10 mins. or so to make him time them, which meant he got absolutely no sleep.  They continued once I woke up in the morning, but weren't quite as painful.

I stayed home on Sunday and relaxed again, which meant I missed an amazing dinner that Kevin got to go to.  He got home around 10 pm, which is when the REAL contractions started.  I thought they were super-painful, and I timed them overnight.  Around 3 am again, I thought we were finally at the magic 5-1-1 (contractions 5 minutes apart, for 1 minute duration, which continue for at least an hour).  I was in a lot of pain, so we went to the hospital.  Again, Dr. Taerk examined me, but I was only 3 cm dilated, so he sent us home.  I said that the contractions were really painful, but he told me they would be worse, hahah.  He said we would likely be back later on that day.  I was slightly embarassed to be seen by the same doctor and STILL not be ready to be admitted.

All Monday, I laboured at home on the couch.  It was excruciating!!  I told Kevin testily that he should not talk to me because I needed all my concentration to keep getting through the contractions.  The pain got worse and worse, and I finally understood what the Dr. had said about the pain getting much worse.  I could vaguely hear Kevin watching more Scrubs episodes in the background, but it took all I had to keep breathing through the contractions.  Sometime in the early afternoon, I started to feel a lot of pressure, and a desire to push.  I knew I wasn't supposed to push, so I just kept breathing.  Shoulda listened to some hypno-birthing techniques beforehand!  I knew I could probably go into the hospital, but the pain was just so terrible, that everytime I thought about the effort it would take to move, walk downstairs, endure a 20-minute car ride, and walk through the hospital to triage, I didn't think I could do it.  I know they say that walking, taking a shower, etc. is actually great for labour, but are you KIDDING ME?!  I couldn't get up from the couch. 

Finally at around 3pm, I decided I needed to get to the hospital.  By that time, I had decided I really wanted an epidural (so much for seeing how far I'd get without one!), and was now worried that I was too far along to get one!  The car ride was TERRIBLE, but I was thankful that it was Labour Day, and that the hospital wasn't that busy.  Kevin dropped me off at the main entrance, and I quickly hobbled towards a wheelchair that someone had left outside.  Part of me wanted to sit in it and get Kevin to wheel me around, but sitting was actually more uncomfortable, so I just used the wheelchair to get through the next contraction, and then booted it through the lobby.  I wanted to try to make it upstairs before the next contraction, but they were coming pretty frequently, so I ended up having one in the elevator.  A man was in there with me, and I was doubled over, staring at the floor.  I don't know what he thought, but I hope he knew I was in labour, as I breathed heavily and asked him if we were at the 5th floor yet.  He didn't answer, so I looked up, recognized the floor and scurried to the triage desk.  There, I had another contraction, and Kevin arrived shortly thereafter.  The nurse amused me, because she spoke soooooo slowly and calmly, that had I not been in so much pain, I would have been really annoyed at her pace.  Anyway, she got me onto a triage bed, and through my two previous visits, I knew that she was supposed to leave me to time my contractions for a while before she even called the doctor.  Well, I was not having any of this waiting business, so I told her I really felt like pushing, so she checked me, and I was a "stretchy 6", in her words.  She asked me whether I wanted an epidural, to which I replied vehemently, "YES!"  She mentioned something about going au naturel, but I repeated that I definitely wanted an epidural, haha.

By the time I got to the labour room, it was around 4pm.  They got an IV in me (the first time, they messed up and I ended up bleeding all over the floor and bruising, but did I care?  Noooo siree!  Too much labour pain!) and Dr. Halpern came in to give me the epidural.  I was relieved to see he was an older man, because I didn't want a resident giving me my epidural.  The most ridiculous part, I thought, was how they kept saying that I had to stay absolutely still while they gave it to me.  It was funny, because I was experiencing contractions every few minutes, which were making me writhe in pain.  I really didn't think I'd be able to stay still, and had momentary thoughts of panic as I worried about what would happen if I didn't stay still.  Anyway, my worries were unfounded, because the epidural went in successfully, and thus started 7 hours of painless bliss!  I had normal conversations with Kevin, I napped, and it was beautiful.  I totally respect anyone who is able to give birth without an epidural, because it takes SO.MUCH.MENTAL.CONTROL. I could feel the most minimal of sensations when I had a contraction, so once I was dilated to 10cm at around 10:30pm, I started to push.  Uh, can I just say that pushing is SO EASY when you have an epidural?  Totally not like in the movies, where ladies are screaming and injuring their husband's hands.  In the end, they had to give me an episiotomy to prevent tearing.  I think they actually gave it to me while I was pushing, so Kiyomi actually FLEW out of me onto the table.  I thought to myself that every birth training video/book I had read directed us to guide the baby out SLOWLY, but hey, Kiyomi came out crying and flailing, so I was happy.  She was actually flailing and grabbing so much, that the first thing she did was to grab the scissors that they were trying to use to cut the umbilical cord.  Apparently, she was not ready to be separated from her mama yet.  :)

She was born at 11:03pm on September 3rd, weighing 3418 grams (7 lbs, 8 oz), but her head was small compared to her body length (52 cm).   They suctioned her lungs, as there was some meconium when they broke my water, just to make sure she hadn't inhaled any, but she was pronounced healthy and fit!

I asked the doctor how many stitches he was putting in, and his reply was, "It's not so much about the number, as it is about getting everything back where it's supposed to be."  As if THAT was supposed to be reassuring?!  The only other memorable thing that happened before they stitched me up was Kevin's very sensitive comment that, "It looks scary down there."  A very supportive husband comment, hahaha.

I thought Kiyomi was the most beautiful newborn I had ever seen.  She had beautiful rosebud lips, but she refused to open her eyes for the first day or so.  They let us stay 2 nights, and we went home Sept. 5th.  I waddled.

Part of me wonders about having an underwater birth, or possibly a home birth next time...we'll have to see!