So I had typed up 3 paragraphs worth of amusing grandmother stories yesterday only to have my IE crash on me. BOOoooooooo computers. Anyway, so I'm going to type them again, but they really just may not be as amusing because I'm rather annoyed at this whole process.
She flew in on last Thursday. We picked her up at the new Terminal 1, which is beautiful! I LOVE the airport. First, the parking is utterly stupendous because there are electronic signs that tell you how many parking spots are available in each row. Each parking SPACE has a sensor above it to detect whether the spot is taken or not. We found a space SO fast, and SO close. I love love love this new technology. What got me the most though, was just a warm fuzzy feeling as I was standing in arrivals waiting for my grandmother. Everytime the doors opened and some more passengers stepped out to be met, their faces lit up. It was so great! It must be an amazing feeling to come off a long flight and know that you have someone that cares for you waiting to pick you up. It was so fantastic to see face after face light up, hug after hug exchanged, and just lots of relief and love. :)
I've also enjoyed my grandmother's love for the Lord. She walked into our house and said, "We should pray, because I got here safely!" She says grace before every meal, and although I didn't appreciate this as a child, I totally do now. I actually used to peek during grace to see what my dad was doing, and he was always making funny faces at me, so I just laughed. Now I appreciate so much more this giving thanks for the food that is before me. I really take a lot of things for granted, and I think my grandmother has helped me realize that. She is one strong-willed, energetic, stubborn woman!
SO that was the sentimental stuff. Now we get onto the craziness that has ensued from my grandmother's presence here. In fact, I'm actually even afraid that I may not finish this blog entry once again because my grandmother has a pea-sized bladder (even smaller than my best friend's!) and has to get up A LOT at night to go pee. Everytime she gets up to go pee, she comes downstairs to tell us to go to bed. Oh man. I mean, my parents don't even tell me to go to bed. They actually got chewed out by her! "Why don't you tell your children to go to bed earlier?" Oh dear. There are SO many amusing stories, but they can pretty much be summed up by this one sentence: My grandmother thinks in stereotypes. It is HORRIBLE! I'll give you some great examples later. But first the origami insanity story. You do the math: If little Johnny needs 20 boxes, and each box has a top and a bottom, and each top/bottom requires 8 sheets of origami, how many sheets of origami is that in total? I WILL TELL YOU. It is 320 finger-numbing sheets of origami insanity. If only I had a picture of one of these boxes to show you all. They're really nice and everything, but it was an origami factory. My poor sister folded all the sheets, and I assembled. What was even more annoying is that I would put together different colour combinations, and my grandmother would inspect. One I did was all cool colours, and when I showed it to her, she said, "Oh, that one's so DULL." Because it didn't have red. Or pink. Or anything like that. I rolled my eyes though, because I'm rather used to my grandmother needing things to be super-shockingly bright (even gaudy at times). What was the MOST MOST MOST annoying this was that when we were finished all 20 boxes, we laid them all out. And GUESS, yes, just GUESS which one she decided was her FAVORITE? GUESS. OHHHH my goodness. MINE. The so-called "DULL" one. The one she had previously almost convinced me to scrap because it was too dull. OOOOh man. So basically, life with my grandmother is this repeated, in different situations. OH MY. Here are two examples of my grandmother changing her mind:
Example 1: Church with my mom and my sister. They decide to get a sandwich and donuts. My grandmother picks a donut. They pay for the donut. She proceeds to accidentally drop the donut. They sit down to eat. My sister pushes my grandmother's donut towards her and says, "Here's your donut." Grandmother says, "No, I want that one," and points to my mom's. WHY did she CHOOSE HERS in the FIRST place if she wasn't gonna EAT IT? It wasn't even the dropping thing. She just CHANGED HER MIND. Between picking and sitting. GAAAAAH!
Example 2: Today, we were out for lunch. I asked my grandmother which fountain drink she wanted at the self-serve drink machine thing. I proceeded to read to her everything that was there. She proceeds to pick the Minute Maid Orange pop. I say, "Grandma, you know this is carbonated, right?" She says it's fine. SHE WATCHES ME AS I AM FILLING THIS LARGE CUP WITH FIZZY, BRIGHT ORANGE MINUTE MAID. AS I FINISH FILLING THE CUP, SHE MAKES THIS LITTLE SOUND, basically like "nah" in English. I stop filling the cup. "What's wrong Grandma?" "Oh, the pop is just so COLOURED." I say, "Grandma, everything is coloured over here." She wrinkles her nose. I am dumbfounded. Could she not have told me this AS I WAS FILLING HER CUP? Did she HAVE to wait until it was COMPLETELY full?!?!?! GAAAAAAAH. I had an epiphany at that point though. As you get older, you become more child-like. If my grandmother was 5 and had just changed her mind about her fountain drink, I would have made her take responsibility for her decision (BECAUSE I HAD EVEN EXPLAINED ALL THE DRINKS TO HER BEFOOOOOOOOREE!!!!!) and drink the drink. But, she is my grandmother, so I proceeded to dump out the drink and fill it with Iced Tea. She said, "Oh, that's much better, this one isn't coloured." I go, "No, grandma, this one is coloured too, just with a more natural looking colour." AHHHHHH!
Stereotype illustrations:
Example 1: We are making the origami boxes. My sister asks why we don't use the black origami. My grandmother proceeds to rant about how NO Japanese people like black, how it is ugly, how people only wear it to funerals, etc. etc. ALL Japanese people hate black. I almost wanted to raise my hand to say, "But grandma, I'm Japanese, and I wouldn't mind having black on MY box." GAAAAAAH.
Example 2: My sister, mother and grandmother waiting for the subway. My sister sees that the bench has one seat free, beside some Asian man with dark-coloured skin. She asks my grandmother if she wants to sit. The man is about to get up when my grandmother looks over at the bench, turns back and wrinkles her nose, saying, "No." She then proceeds to tell my sister about how (racism coming up here, don't read it if yo'ure going to be offended. And I really apologize for my grandmother's weirdness) black people in L.A. are dangerous. OH MY. WHAT a HUGE racist generalization! But it gets better. This is the clincher: She says, "When black people say, do you have change for ____ in L.A., they really mean 'Give me all your money.'" AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. WHERE DOES SHE GET THIS?!?!??! My sister proceeds to explain that they really just WANT CHANGE. My grandmother says, "Oh, maybe in Toronto, but in L.A. they're trying to rob you." OOOOOH my. OH MY OH MY OH MY. Are all old people this WEIRD?!?!?! My sister did attempt to dispell this stereotype by telling my grandmother that we were all individuals and that she shouldn't generalize, etc. My grandmother ended with, "Yes, we are all individuals, but...." AHHHHH!
Example 3: We're in Cullen Gardens. We're walking along the path. Sitting in some open grass are two girls eating their lunch. They don't look very happy. My grandmother says (oh man, so much of what my grandmother says is lost in the translation), "I don't like the look of those girls." I ask what the heck that means. She says they're not like Canadian girls. I ask what the heck she means by "Canadian girls". She says they're not as happy and bright and cheery as Canadian girls. I go, "Grandma, those ARE Canadian girls. Canadian girls come in all different types. We're not ALL cheery." She responds with an, "Oh." and still looks dissatisfied.
Oh man. It's still okay because I have my sense of humour about everything. I couldn't stop laughing when my sister told me the asking for change thing being robbing thing. She's just extremely set in her ways, and although that doesn't excuse her horrible stereotyping, it helps me stay sane. Pray I don't lose my patience!
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